Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Transformers: The Last Knight - Movie Review

The Movie: Transformers: The Last Knight

The Director: Michael Bay

The Cast: Mark Wahlberg, Anthony Hopkins, Josh Duhamel, Laura Haddock, Isabela Moner, Jerrod Carmichael, Stanley Tucci, John Turturro, Peter Cullen, Frank Welker, John Goodman, Ken Watanabe, Steve Buscemi, Omar Sy, Gemma Chan

The Story: Humans and Transformers are at war, Optimus Prime is gone. The key to saving our future lies buried in the secrets of the past, in the hidden history of Transformers on Earth.

The Review:
Michael Bay has quite the reputation for making movies in a no holds barred, unapologetic, and very gratuitous manner and each of his Transformers movies has allowed him to raise that level of reckless abandon to new heights. If you've been trying to follow along with the franchise's overall narrative, you will want to throw all of that out the window. This new installment is sort of an extension of what has already taken place but mostly ignores the past and kind of even creates an entirely new back story. Sort of. It's quite honestly hard to tell what is happening at any given moment as every scene goes by so fast and none of it fits together into any kind of  cohesive narrative. Sort of.

Does the movie contain any sort of logic? Nope.
Physics? Nope.
Coherent dialog? Nope.
A story that makes sense? Nope.
Does it make sense in any way, shape, or form? Nope.

If there was an award for "worst dialog ever" then every single moment where someone talks in this movie would qualify and it would be nearly impossible to pick a winner. The script is more sound bytes and cheesy one liners over any sort of actual conversation or exposition and most of it is downright painful to listen to. I seriously can't believe Sir Anthony Hopkins would allow himself to be a part of this movie. Must have been one heck of a payday.

Now that I've got all of that out of the way, I also have to say this. There are moments of this movie that are absolutely magical and will just blow you away. What I'm talking about are the big, spectacle level effects shots that are above and beyond anything we have seen before on a movie screen. These moments are what makes a Michael Bay movie worth sitting through and he absolutely delivers when it comes his signature larger than life action shots that are filled with robots, explosions, chaos, and disorder.

The Verdict:
Transformers: The Last Knight is a horrible way to spend two and a half hours. It is also a movie you absolutely need to see on the big screen. Seriously. Michael Bay loves 3D and he loves IMAX so he uses the premium format cameras as often as he can. Every frame of film is a classic "Bayhem" hero shot that is heavy on gloss and nearly devoid of any kind of substance. The action is amazing to watch, just be prepared to feel the pain any time someone starts talking.

Things to bring with you to the theater: Popcorn, candy, and lowered expectations.

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